I know how difficult it is to watch your child or children go off with your ex-spouse for his night or his weekend. Or maybe you share 50/50 custody and you now have to split your time with your kids when you were a full-time mom before. This is painful stuff.

I remember the pain I felt when my ex-husband drove his girlfriend’s mini-van with her and her children in it to pick up our daughter to go on a beach vacation. The searing pain that ripped through me literally knocked me over. The unfairness of it all felt like a sick joke. We had always taken a yearly beach trip as a family and not going with my daughter that day was heart-wrenching. I couldn’t believe the despair and anger I felt. It felt like someone stabbed me in the heart.

It was 6 am and I remember texting my sister and best friend. Of course, no one was awake yet. I went back to bed and cried for hours. I couldn’t function. My sister called me back later that morning, but by then I couldn’t answer. I felt so alone and did not have the energy to speak. I stayed in bed for a long time that day. I allowed myself the time to grieve.


I still have moments when I feel sad when I don’t see my daughter for a few days. And she finds it difficult too which makes it hard. But over time, I started focusing on things I could control within my own life and the feelings of sadness of not seeing her for a few days, lessened.

I believe, and I have heard many women say, that this is the hardest part of divorce. The memories you have of being a family are like a tragic movie playing out in your mind. The dreams you had for your future to raise your child/children together are gone.

So how do you move on when you have to continue this schedule of custody for years? Especially if you have young children, it may feel like an eternity before it will end.

10 WAYS TO EASE YOUR PAIN WHEN YOUR CHILD/CHILDREN ARE WITH YOUR EX

  1. Give yourself the gift of time to grieve. I know I’ve talked about how important it is to grieve and not try to run away or push down your feelings. Don’t try to rush yourself to get past the pain. Being alone can be an important part of the healing process.
  2. Take great care of yourself. You know what it’s like trying to do self-care with your children pulling at you for their own needs. Use this time to shave those legs, get an eyebrow wax, take a shower without anyone barging into the bathroom. The point is to pamper yourself. You deserve it.
  3. Go for a walk with a friend. It’s a great time to reconnect with friends who are uplifting to be around. Or those friends that allow you to just be. Being in nature and walking can quickly shift your energy out of despair to peace.
  4. Read a good book. Curl up on the couch with a cup of coffee or tea and allow yourself time to relax and enjoy a good story.
  5. Find your passion. Is there something that you’ve wanted to do, but have never done it? Make a list and start taking small steps toward achieving your dreams.
  6. Focus on your health. Learn a new, healthy recipe and get your cooking done for the week. This way you have more time to spend with your kids when they come home.
  7. Find ways to heal limiting and toxic patterns that have been holding you back in life. Find something that works for you and commit to your healing journey.
  8. Exercise. Find something that you can do to move your body. This will also help shift your energy into a more positive mindset.
  9. Travel. Go on a short weekend trip to somewhere you’ve never been, but have always wanted to go.
  10. If you’re further along on your healing journey, consider going on a date. Meeting new people and going out for coffee or dinner can open your horizon to what is possible.

If you still feel pain when your kids are with your ex and you can’t seem to move past it, consider talking with someone for support. You may need support on your journey to healing.

Check out your FREE 7-Step Blueprint on how to heal and create the life of your dreams after divorce. Click here.

With Love and Light,

Lisa

Positive Quote of the Day: “The love of God is a fire that consumes all difficulties.” -Rumi