The idea of overhauling your life at any stage can make one’s heart skip a beat. After divorce, you are thrown into a murky sea with the only thought being swim or drown. Thoughts are primarily focused on surviving and the idea of transformation or change of any degree, is overwhelming.
I know once my divorce was final and I was thrown into a new world of single parenting, I was initially like a deer in headlights. I had very little energy left over to dream about a life I truly desired. It felt as if all my dreams went down the dark abyss along with my marriage.
After my divorce was final, I felt another level of deep sadness and fear. Feelings of separateness and being alone were magnified whenever I was around intact families. The trauma of having your life turned upside down can wreak havoc in every area of your life. And the trauma can be felt for months or years after.
I lost trust in myself, the world and the Universe. Before my separation.
I always prided myself on trusting my intuition and I made decisions in my life by following my inner voice. Then after my divorce, I couldn’t make any decisions because I was so fearful of making “another” mistake.
Losing trust in yourself, others and the Universe makes you feel as if your world can collapse again at any moment. It’s waiting for the “other shoe to drop” magnified x100. I believe this is our greatest challenge after going through a break so traumatic such as divorce. We must learn to live in the fragility of life with a sense of joy and confidence we may never have had in the first place.
I know how difficult it is to do this. To find the joy in the everyday moments when you feel as if you are flailing downhill toward another brick wall. Especially if you are now a single mom with young children or your lifestyle has changed, or both.
What I have learned that has been paramount in transforming my life is that loving myself is the key. This key holds the opening of a whole new life. But as you may already know, it isn’t easy. I’m sure you’ve heard it before that learning to love yourself is so important.
After a divorce, the inner talk that most of us know as our inner critic kicks up and causes us to feel worse about ourselves. Our minds race and our energy can feel erratic.
The key to learning to love yourself is the one that opens the door to your heart. That place of calm and and inner strength that will guide us through life if we allow it. It’s the place beneath the noise of the world and our own inner thoughts. It’s imperative to drop down into your heart in order to hear the guidance of Spirit, the Universe, your Higher Self.
It’s impossible to find your way after a traumatic break such as divorce by listening to the incessant thoughts of your mind. So how do you pick up the pieces of your life after divorce?
HERE ARE 5 WAYS TO CONNECT TO YOUR HEART ON A DAILY BASIS (WHICH IS THE FOUNDATION FOR SELF-LOVE)
MEDITATE
I’m sure this made your heart skip a beat. But it truly takes only 5 minutes to connect to your heart in the morning. And connecting to your heart in order to calm the mind is essentially the basis of meditation. It’s to attain an inner state of heightened awareness which builds your level of consciousness. As our level of awareness increases, we begin to see clearly what needs to be changed within in order to change our outer circumstances.
KNOW THAT IT ALL BEGINS WITH YOU
Knowing that you have the power within you to make the necessary changes to live the life you desire is a way to honor yourself. When you connect to your heart and allow yourself to focus on love rather than fear, you will begin to sense this incredible power that lies within.
Learning to connect to Spirit and your Higher Self will allow your life to unfold with ease and confidence. This is when your new life begins to take off and you will find you are able to make decisions again without “fear” of making mistakes. Once you realize there really are no “mistakes,” your view of the world will change.
Everything happens for a reason is such a cliche, but I believe that all the things that have happened over the past 5 years for me happened so I could reach higher levels of consciousness. I know deep down inside that everything that happened was to awaken me to parts of myself I kept hidden. The same is true for you. Remember this in times of darkness.
RADICAL SELF-CARE
Taking care of yourself may feel like a luxury after a divorce especially if you were thrown into a new lifestyle and/or have young children. But it’s not a luxury, but a NECESSITY. Even if you do one nice thing for yourself every day, you will be building a foundation of true self-love. Is there something you enjoy that makes you feel good? Think of one thing you can do for yourself that brings you joy. Even if it’s getting up 15 minutes earlier each morning and enjoying a cup of coffee with your favorite creamer in it basking in silence on the back porch. Whatever small ritual brings you joy, do that each day. As you begin to take great care yourself, loving yourself will become second nature.
EXPRESS GRATITUDE
You will never fill yourself with love and learn to love yourself if your thoughts are constantly on what is not working in your life. I know how hard it is to stay positive and grateful when your whole world has turned upside down. But learning to be grateful for even the small things in your life will keep you from sinking deeper into the pit of despair. Trust me on this one.
I spent months beating myself up for the choices I made in the past and ruminating over where I found myself after my divorce. The darkness began to clear as I focused on the things I did still have in my life. There is so much to be grateful for and when you are in a state of gratitude, it’s as if someone turned on the lights in a very dark room.
Gratitude feeds your Soul and allows more beautiful people and things to come into your life. This also takes only a few minutes each day. Think about all the things you are thankful for while drinking your delicious cup of coffee on the back porch. And if you don’t have the back porch you want yet, be thankful for what you do have while also being grateful for the back porch you will have.
FOCUS ON YOUR DREAMS
This is a biggie. After a divorce, the thought of pursuing your dreams feels like a mystical thought that will never come to fruition. But it’s imperative to dust off that long-forgotten dream and take action each day toward fulfilling whatever your heart yearns for. Even if the culmination of your dream feels unattainable, the action you take each day will make you feel good about yourself because you are moving forward. By giving up on your dreams, you are telling yourself you are not worth the effort. And this causes us to feel bad about ourselves without even realizing why you feel so bad.
Click HERE to get your copy of Unlock Your Destiny After Heartbreak and Divorce: Your 30-Day Prescription which gives a lot of ways to connect to your heart and create the foundation to launch your new life.
Here is a beautiful affirmation for self-love that I have seen many times over the years. (Talk about getting the message about the importance of self-love that took years to sink in).
I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
Virginia Satir quotes (American Psychologist and Educator, 1916-1988)
Wishing you so much love,
Lisa
Quote of the Day: “Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do.” Brene Brown