After a divorce, you may find yourself in a place of utter overwhelm. Especially if you have children. The sudden change in lifestyle and support systems you had in place make moving forward not only difficult, but may also leave you feeling defeated.
Parenting alone is a both a blessing and one of the most difficult relationships to navigate. Although, today many dad’s are fully involved in their children’s lives, it still feels that most of the child-rearing falls on the mother. After a divorce, the feeling of being fully responsible for another human being takes on a greater intensity.
Maybe you have an ex-spouse who is still fully involved and helps with all major decisions. Maybe you can’t rely on your ex to make any decisions regarding the care of your child or children. And I’m sure there are many single moms who are raising children completely alone. Whatever the case is, the new pressure of responsibility can take a toll on your health and overall well-being.
When the realization that you are truly doing this all alone hits you, it can knock you off track.
I’ve had to make a lot of life-changing decisions lately for myself and my daughter and I can tell you that it has not been easy. When I realized that I was the only one making all of these decisions about what is best for her and myself, I felt overwhelmed with another layer of grief.
Where was the parenting unit that I had expected would be there when I had my daughter? The pressure of making these decisions and hoping and praying they are the right ones was high. It made me want to run away.
I don’t say that lightly. The pressure of raising a good human being and wanting to see your child succeed in life is profound. I was almost afraid to make a decision because I didn’t want to make the wrong choice. In the past, I used to pride myself on making good decisions in my life. But after the divorce my sense of trust in myself was shattered. It has taken quite a while to regain this trust.
There are several ways to help you navigate this time in your life. Because the popular saying, “it goes so fast” is so true. When you are in the thick of things with young children it may not feel like time is moving fast enough. But it does. So how do you thrive instead of just survive this time in your life?
There are several important things to consider.
TALK WITH SOMEONE TO HELP YOU PROCESS MAJOR DECISIONS
Finding one person you trust in your life may be hard. But it’s imperative to have someone that you can talk with who has your best interest at heart. Even if it’s a counselor. Talking through your thoughts about your decisions can be very helpful because you are getting it out of your mind where it’s just making your head spin. Important note: Don’t talk to too many people and get several different opinions: this can also make your head spin. Everyone has their own idea of what’s best FOR THEM. And then they pass it on to you as if it’s the only right answer.
LEARN TO TRUST YOURSELF IMPLICITLY
This is a great time to go deeper within your body and soul and learn how to strengthen your intuition and re-gain or gain your trust in yourself. Learning how to listen to your inner wisdom will help you even with the small day-to-day decisions we all must make. And for the single mom, we have millions of decisions every single day that must be made. If you knew you had all the answers within, how much easier do you think life would be if you could tap into it whenever you wanted?
LET GO OF THE GUILT
Yes, I know this one is not easy. Guilt comes with the territory of being a parent, but the guilt after a divorce is compounded. You may have guilt over making the decision for leaving your marriage or long-term relationship or guilt over not being able to make the relationship last for the sake of your child or children. There are so many layers to guilt, that I think I could write a whole book on it.
The point is, guilt is useless. It keeps us stuck in one place going in circles. It’s time to just let. it. go.
What if everything that was happening right now in your life was exactly the way it was Divinely Designed? Forget the law of attraction for a minute (because this whole premise can create more guilt if we feel solely responsible for EVERYTHING that occurs in our life through our “bad” thoughts or feelings). I’m talking about your life being Divinely orchestrated. And yes, if you feel like you are in a really tough spot right now, this idea probably feels like you are being punished. But what if it’s to get your attention?
The things happening right now and all the decisions that are weighing on your shoulders are there to help you open up to higher possibilities. They are there for you to learn how to trust not only yourself but a Higher Power. Because even though you are making a decision that “feels” right, but you have guilt around making it, doesn’t mean it’s a wrong or “bad” decision. It could be Spirit leading you to a better place, but with a few twists and turns.
Let of the guilt and instead place your focus on God-consciousness within you and allow yourself to be led in the direction you need to go.
TAKE GREAT CARE OF YOURSELF
Now is not the time to put your own well-being on the back-burner. You MUST take time for yourself everyday even if it’s just 10 minutes to connect to Spirit or a Higher Power first thing in the morning. It can be as easy as focusing on prayer and allowing yourself to receive Spiritual fuel to go through your day with more ease.
This is what helps me the most. And the times I forget to call on Spirit, I am usually floundering through my day.
Finding the time to take care of yourself can be difficult when you’re a single mom working a full-time job, grocery shopping, cooking, homework, cleaning, the list just goes on. I know how crazy life can get. It’s so important to do something to re-charge your batteries. Because then you will show up in your life and for your children in a more peaceful and more productive way.
FIND THE POSITIVES OF BEING A SINGLE MOM
We are told to find the positive when dealing with a difficult situation and being a single mom is no different. As a single mom, you gain an inner strength that can carry you through even the roughest days. You learn more about yourself quickly and can heal old beliefs and toxic patterns because you HAVE to. Children mirror back to us what we need to heal and since we are the only one in their life the majority of the time, we get the privilege of having “our shit” in our face everyday.
And everyday we get to decide what we do with it. Noticing it and working on releasing the intense emotions and feelings that arise with it, is the fastest way to heal our inner wounds. The key is to not stay stuck in the pain or ignore it. Find a tool or exercise you can do when your emotions start to take on a life of their own.
By looking at this time with a new perspective, you will find your heavy load lighten. It’s a time for self-exploration, of healing, of owning your own power, of developing a deeper, inner Spiritual life. It’s a time to awaken to your highest potential and to raise children in the same manner.
You’ve got this! We’ve got this! I’m here walking this journey with you.
I would love to hear from you and your take on the pressures of being a single mom. Please feel free to comment below.
Wishing you Love and Light,
Lisa
Quote of the Day: “I’m a single mom, what’s your superpower?” -Unknown
P.S. If you need guidance and a plan to heal the heartbreak after your divorce, grab your copy of my Eguide: “Unlock Your Destiny after Heartbreak and Divorce: Your 30-day prescription.” Click HERE!