Changing how we view divorce can make the difference between a time of despair and struggle to a time of inner reflection and healing.
Divorce can be a catalyst to breaking down all that is not your true self to uncover your soul and your true purpose in life. You can re-write your story to one of awakening to who you really are and step up into the life you have always desired.
We tell “stories” to ourselves and others all the time from the perspective of who we think we are. We all have beliefs about ourselves that are the basis of the stories we tell.
If you can change a belief, you can view things differently and then the story can change.
If you can change the lens on divorce and look at it as not happening to you, but for you, you can use this time to go deeper within and uncover, release, and heal all that is blocking your inner light to shine.
The good news is that you are the author of your own life. Change your beliefs and your thoughts will change. Then you can re-write the story.
I know the pain and despair that comes from finding out your world is not what you thought it was.
When I discovered my ex-husband’s lies and betrayals, I felt shattered. I began to fervently question everything about my life including my inner beliefs. It was a time I call my greatest Spiritual Awakening. Essentially, I was awakening to my soul which houses my truest, most authentic self.
Was it easy? No. It took commitment and discipline to do the inner work.
I was determined to release old patterns and heal my limiting beliefs about myself so as not to attract the same type of person into my life.
I was determined to change my inner world to affect my outer world.
I knew how important healing the inner stuff was to transform my life into something better than ever. Doing the inner work changes the landscape of your outer world.
Here are 3 truths about divorce and how re-writing your story from one of despair, grief, anger, fear and being a victim to one of joy, vitality, empowerment, and strength can make all the difference.
You have not failed.
The world view looks at divorce as a failure. By saying any relationship has “failed” is just another way we punish ourselves. Learning to look at your divorce as a sign that something needs to change can be the first step in re-creating your life.
There are many ways to look at a situation.
Maybe you outgrew each other, and you couldn’t be the person you are meant to be within the context of your marriage.
Asking yourself questions, such as, “what else could this mean?” may bring you new perspectives about your situation that you never thought of before.
Stop telling your “saab” story.
I know, I meant “sob” story, but it sounded like I was telling you to “get over it” which is something I won’t do. Plus, the Saab was my all-time favorite car.
But what this means is if you find yourself repeating the devastation over and over, it can keep you “stuck” in a spiral of grief. Taking some time to stop and reconsider even one aspect of your heartbreak can change your story.
You are the one that places meaning on each aspect of your story. Maybe you can change the meaning little by little or all at once. It is all your choice.
For instance, you may feel that your ex leaving meant you are unlovable. But what if it means your ex has his own issues and needed to be alone to find out who he was. What if his betrayal meant he doesn’t feel good about himself and it was stopping you from truly shining your light into the world.
When you can change your perspective, your story will change.
Doing the inner work will help you re-write your story.
When we look at times of heartbreak in a new light we can begin to make changes. When we use this time to fuel a life we may have only dreamed of, the inner work has begun.
You will begin to notice certain beliefs that you have had. These beliefs are coming up for you to examine and decide if they are still true for you. Beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” or “nothing ever works out.”
We look at our circumstances through the lens of our own inner beliefs.
The facts are what happened. If your story is your ex had multiple affairs and lied continually in your marriage, those are the facts. When you take those facts and add meaning to them such as “I’m a horrible person and he never loved me” or “I’m not worthy of love” or even “he is a sociopath and how could I have married one,” we create these stories in our minds that can spin out of control.
By doing the inner work and healing your limiting beliefs, a new picture can emerge. The fact remains that he cheated and lied, but now it can mean he did because he has his own issues.
This does not make you immune to not having a part in the breakdown of your marriage. There is always something to learn about ourselves even if we aren’t “at fault” for the ultimate demise of the marriage or relationship.
By looking at your own thoughts and examining them to decide if they are true, you can clear your vision to move forward in a powerful way.
The choice about how you THINK and FEEL about what has happened is ALWAYS up to you.
You only have responsibility for your inner world and what you believe to be true. The kindest thing we can do for ourselves is to really look at what it means for us. The pain and devastation is a normal response to the ending of a marriage. But we tend to add all this other “stuff” to the pain which affects the meaning we place on what happened, which can fuel our pain.
An exercise that can help is to sit down with a journal and write out just the facts. Then write down what you feel it means for each part of your story. Does it feel true? Or is there room for a new meaning to emerge?
Asking yourself these questions can widen your view and allow all possibilities to be known. Then you can re-write what it all means for you in a way that empowers you to move forward and create what you truly desire for your life.
The quote below says it all. The real art of re-creating your life after divorce is in the re-writing of your story.
Wishing you so much love,
Positive Quote of the Day: “The real art of writing is, of course, in the re-writing.” -A.D. Aliwat
