The pain of going through a divorce is raw and deep. During the time of the actual separation, divorce proceedings and moving if that is what you needed or wanted to do, the pain can be unbearable at times.
But no one really talks about the next level of pain that comes when everything is final.
It’s like the confetti that gets thrown up in the air in Times Square in NYC during the New Year’s Eve celebration. The aftermath is chaos initially and then when the confetti starts to make its way to the ground, the chaos begins to die down. And I picture life after the divorce is final as the eerie quietness that happens after everyone has left the party with all the confetti (aka the mess) on the empty street. There you are standing alone looking at the mess wondering what in the hell just happened.
Then you have family and friends who are wondering why you are still grieving. Some women struggle with this chronic pain for months or years after the divorce is final. I understand how easy it is to stay stuck.
Your whole life that you had pictured is simply gone.
And just reading that statement still causes a twitch in my heart.
Moving forward doesn’t mean you will never again feel sadness and grief, but in order to move forward powerfully, it’s important to learn how to let it go more quickly and keep going.
But first you need to look at the mess closely. Because you essentially have 2 choices at this time.
Continue to live in the “what the hell happened” stage and ruminate on what went wrong, how it’s all unfair, your regrets, what you could have done differently or turn yourself around and face the direction of your new life where you get to make better choices. You get to create the life that may have eluded you in the past. You get to finally heal all the things that are blocking you from becoming your BEST self no matter how old you are.
This time after a divorce is what I call The Void. A place of complete emptiness and darkness. There is nothing left of your old life and yet you have not begun to create your new life. What is great about entering The Void, is that you get to start anew. You get to create from a blank slate.
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Life gives us many chances to heal the blocks and patterns we came here to learn from. Divorce is one way to awaken us to a higher way of being in the world. Trauma and grief can crack open our hearts like nothing else can. It allows us access to our inner world that we were not fully conscious of prior to the devastation.
Initially, when my marriage fell apart, I thought it was so we could heal our relationship in order to move forward together. But it quickly became clear, that I was the only one who had these thoughts in the relationship.
As time went on, “I woke up” on many levels. I became very conscious of what limiting beliefs and patterns I had hidden deep within my subconscious. And I began to do the hard work to heal it. Because I knew I wanted to change the course of my life. It’s still evolving because we don’t just heal one day and “poof “our life is all better. It’s a process of healing layer by layer. And we are made up of many layers.
But here’s the best part. Life begins to shift with each layer we heal no matter how small. Healing is a process of spiraling. You may spiral up when you do some healing, then find you slid down the mountain just a bit, but not as far back as you had been. Then you continue back up and this time you move a little bit further along on your healing journey.
If you need a reason to understand why you experienced the divorce, what about so you could awaken to your new life?
What if the divorce was exactly what needed to happen so you could evolve into the person you are meant to be?
I know how hard things can be after a divorce. The devastating pain of loss, the lifestyle change, you may even be struggling to support your children financially and feeling utterly exhausted and depleted.
Even if you find yourself in a situation that feels hopeless, you still have the power within you to change your life. This is the purpose of The Void.
“You had the power all along, my dear!” -Glinda, the Good Witch
We don’t actually realize we have this power until until we have an awakening of the unconscious into our everyday consciousness. No one ever can take this power away from you. This process is all about YOU. Divorce can be the catalyst to your greatest healing.
With Love and Light,
Lisa
Positive Quote of the Day: “True power comes from within. What we seek, we already have.” -Thich Nhat Hanh
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