I have been asked numerous times how long one should wait to date after a divorce.
This is not a question that has a definitive answer.
It is truly up to each person how long they feel they need before they begin dating.
However, there are some things to think about before you head out the door with your new dress on, babysitter holding down the fort at home, and your hope for your future in your heart.
TAKE THE TIME TO GRIEVE
Grief is the cloud hanging over your head when a relationship ends.
By taking time to grieve the loss you are feeling you allow yourself to move on with a clear mind and heart. I have seen many women jump right into another relationship even before the divorce papers are signed.
Could it work? Sure, it could.
But you give yourself a better chance of making this next relationship work if you had taken the time to grieve. Even if you were the one who decided to leave, there are losses that you may not have anticipated that will pop up when you least expect it.
When a marriage ends, so do all the traditions, family relationships, and routines that you were accustomed to. You may not realize it right away if you get swept up into the highs of that new relationship, but it will most likely come up not long after.
DO THE INNER WORK
Focusing on what went wrong in your marriage is not the stuff for the faint of heart. Diving deep within to uncover what went wrong, what part you played (because each person played a part in the breakdown of the relationship), and then doing the inner work to heal your stuff, is the key to moving on in a powerful way with inner strength and grace.
When you do the inner work and heal your own limiting beliefs, you will be changing your inner landscape. Your subconscious beliefs are what attracted your ex to you, because on a Spiritual level, the reason you “attracted” your ex-partner was for him to be a mirror to reflect to you all your “unfinished business” that needed your attention.
If you did not do the work in the context of your marriage, you will still be sending out the same signals to your next partner who will show up to also reflect to you what still needs healing.
GET TO KNOW YOURSELF
It is so important to get to know yourself on a deep level.
What are your values?
What is your boundary around each of them?
Knowing what you value most and what your line in the sand is will help you when you do go back out there and begin dating.
This will help you greatly to quickly identify someone who may not be for your highest and greatest good. This will also help you be wary of people who may take advantage of your vulnerability.
When you know yourself and value who you are and your boundaries, dating will become more about what you desire and not about desperation or fear of rejection.
Fear of rejection is a by-product of a marriage ending especially if there was betrayal. There still may be an underlying fear of rejection even if you chose to leave the marriage because you may have left due to feeling unloved and not valued enough.
Taking time to date yourself and be strong in your convictions of who you are and what you deserve, will allow the person who will make you a priority show up.
TRUST YOUR INNER KNOWING
This comes from taking the time to grieve and getting to know yourself.
It is critical to follow your inner voice.
Your inner knowing will guide you through the grieving process and the process of getting back out there. When you become more attuned with your inner wisdom, you will be led to your “perfect” next partner.
If dating feels overwhelming, trust your inner gut that you are not ready.
CONSIDER SEEKING SUPPORT FROM A THERAPIST AND A COACH
Being on both sides of this, I can tell you my greatest growth has occurred when I reached out for help and support.
When my marriage was ending, I reached out to an EFT practitioner and cleared old beliefs and toxic patterns that were keeping me stuck.
I had no desire to date after my marriage ended.
Instead, my priority was focusing on my daughter’s well-being and my own healing. I did the work to heal old limiting beliefs about fear of abandonment and fear of rejection.
Because that is exactly what showed up in my marriage; abandonment and rejection.
I knew I needed to unravel a lifetime of beliefs I had about love and relationships. I KNEW deep down that I needed to do this work first before being able to “attract” my soul mate.
And that is what I wanted.
I wanted to attract a relationship that was 180 degrees different from what I had experienced in my life up until that point.
The whole process of dating was daunting to me.
I knew I wanted to meet someone special, but I did not want to be “out there” going on multiple first dates.
So I waited until I felt truly READY and then used Spiritual principles to manifest my “perfect” partner.
Three years later and we are still going strong.
The process was easy and fun once I was ready.
And it is the best relationship I’ve ever been in.
Doing the inner work is easier and much more complete when you have someone who can help you uncover what is holding you back from moving forward and creating a life you love.
It is the best investment in yourself.
Once you make the decision to invest in yourself, the Universe brings in all the resources and support you need. And investing in yourself does not mean you have to spend a lot of money. It is believing in yourself and understanding the value of help involved in reaching out beyond yourself.
Wishing you so much love,
Positive Quote of the Day: “When you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, you know you have healed.” -Unknown
