“They say that time’s supposed to heal ya; but I ain’t done much healing.”
These are two lines at the beginning of Adele’s song, “Hello.” I was listening to it in my car on my way to work the other day and those two lines jumped out at me as if highlighted. It’s an important concept to understand after experiencing heartbreak after a significant break-up or divorce. Because most of us believe time heal’s all wounds. But what I have found to be true, is that it doesn’t.
When you experience heartbreak, your heart has not actually been “broken.” The outer, protective covering we put over our heart has been cracked. It feels as if our heart was split in two, but it’s the pain of exposing what’s underneath the hard exterior. When we feel this pain, we are vulnerable which causes most of us to run and hide. We just want to close it all back down and hide and protect our hearts from the outside elements.
Like in Marianne Williamson’s poem, “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
So when our hard, protective covering around our hearts get smashed to pieces, the light beneath scares us. The idea that we now have to do something about the pain and understand what’s underneath it is terrifying. All of our fears, beliefs and perceptions about life are out in the open and it can be overwhelming.
What most of us do in that situation is numb out. We find ways to dull the pain whether through staying so busy there’s no time to deal with the pain, binge watching Netflix, going on food binges or turning to drugs and alcohol. You do whatever it will take to shut it all down again.
When heartbreak occurs, it’s life’s way of getting your attention. Heartbreak is the shaker of all shakers. If you don’t take the opportunity that’s there for you, with all of your “baggage” now on full display for you to see, it will get closed back up behind the hard, protective wall you’ve created. What’s important to realize is, that although the intense pain will go away, and you can get back to the business of living, that baggage will continue to run your life without your awareness.
This is why it’s crucial to stop and pay close attention to what the pain is trying to tell you.
You always have a choice. You can numb out and get by each day not addressing your core beliefs that are asking to be addressed. Or you can finally look at all that was hidden in your heart behind the wall so that you can move forward in a powerful way to be the conscious co-creator you were meant to be. This is when the magic of transforming your life begins.
If you are honest with yourself, and look back at all your past relationships, you will see your patterns. Maybe you attracted people who were present physically and you got along well enough to keep you in the relationship, yet you yearned for emotional intimacy that was not possible. The other person was not available emotionally for you. This is a 2-way street usually. You “attracted” this person because of the beliefs you have hidden within which may include your own fear of being emotionally vulnerable. So then here comes a person who does not make any demands on your ability to show up with emotional intimacy. Relationships like this can continue endlessly, but usually at least one of you cannot ignore the call of your heart for that intimate heart connection. This is when things unravel. This is when “heartbreak” occurs.
This is a time to get brutally honest with yourself. If you feel you are pining for your ex and can’t seem to move on, take a look at what is the truth and what you may be fabricating. Our ego cannot handle rejection, pain and despair, so it will use its power to make you feel that you made a mistake or that you can change the other person. It’s a form of control. You’re attempting to control the pain and situation and it’s time to let it all go.
Clinging to the past immediately stops the flow of life. Life is ever changing and calling for you to keep moving. The only way to go is forward. By using your pain as a catalyst to uncover all that is no longer serving you, you can move forward in a more powerful way. This is how you break the cycle of what you don’t want into a life that aligns with your authentic self.
Check out “HEARTBREAK RECOVERY KIT” on sale now for just $9. It’s a powerful Eguide to help you take the most important step to heal on a deep level, uncover your hidden beliefs and patterns and manifest a life you truly love. (Includes email support to get you on the path that will lead you to the kind of life your heart is yearning for).
Wishing you so much love,
Lisa
Positive Quote of the Day: “The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…” -Nicholas Sparks