When you are experiencing heartbreak or have just come through the battlefield of divorce, the last words you ever want to hear from someone, is some version of “you need to get over it and move on.” Have you heard this before?

It comes in many variations from well-meaning family members and friends pushing you to move on by going on a date or joining a club or attending church.

“Just get out there.” I’ve heard this so many times in my life. I’ve always wondered where “there” was.

“Just go out with him.” Again, I heard this a lot. If he was male and single, my family thought that was all the criteria necessary.

“You just have to get over it.” This was so not helpful and made me angry. Because I knew I needed to process my grief and not bury it within. I was aware enough even years ago to know that stuffing my emotions down would eventually culminate into an emotional eruption causing me more heartache. Thankfully, after my divorce, my family came through with amazing love and support and no one told me to “get over it.”

We all move forward on our journey at our own pace. And it’s perfectly okay to heal on your own timeline. No one knows what you need to heal or what your intentions are for your own life.

Here’s the thing. Most family members or friends cannot handle the level of grief you may be going through. It’s difficult to watch someone we love cry or continue to struggle through their day to day routines. There is also a flip side. Your grief brings up fear in other people. Fear that their relationship is vulnerable or fear that they would not know what to do with that level of grief and sadness. Because there is no certainty for anyone.

I remember when I was in despair years ago after a long-term relationship ended, a friend of mine sat on the other end of the phone and allowed me to cry without interjecting with trying to fix it or get me to move out of it. She just sat there silently while I cried and I can tell you it was the most profound healing moment to be surrounded by love and support like that.

She knew that I needed to let it out. She knew I needed to process my feelings and she wasn’t scared of the intensity of them. We all need someone in our life who can support us like this.

It’s not always easy to find. So here are 4 ways you can support yourself through your grieving journey:

Allow yourself all the time you need to process your feelings

It’s okay to take the time you need to heal. However, if it’s been years and you are still struggling with grief and sadness from your break-up or divorce, it’s important to find a way to heal and release it. Because, although I will never tell you to get over it, you do need to process your pain in order to move forward. And only talk to people who will allow you the sacred space to grieve.

Take great care of yourself and nourish your Soul

While allowing yourself time to process your pain and grief, take extra special care to do things that nourish your Soul. Find things that make you feel good even if it’s just for a half hour. Go for a walk in nature, grab your favorite coffee drink and sit on a park bench, read inspirational books, get a massage. Whatever brings you a bit of joy in your day, do that.

Remember the magnificence of who you are

I know this may not be easy to remember that you do, in fact, have great assets. But remembering who you truly are is important. Make a list of all the things you did prior to your relationship or marriage that made you proud of who you are. Read this list often. It’s also important to remember at this time who you REALLY are and that is a Divine being in human form. Tap into the light within and allow it to expand. Meditate on your heart center and allow your breath to expand the light all around you. In just 5 minutes a day, you will feel a difference.

Turn to a Higher Power

Prayer is very powerful. By taking time to pray and talk with a Higher Power, you open yourself to support that is all around you. I have experienced immense peace so many times in my life when I remember to pray and ask for guidance. Immediate peace and a sense of knowing what to do next, if anything, is what can happen when you turn to the Spiritual world.

You will not feel these painful feelings forever. Just remember that. Even if it feels like they will never go away (I know that’s how I felt), they will, I promise.

And if someone tells you to “get over it,” just smile and say, “Thank you so much for that. I’ll get right on it. Hmmm why didn’t I think of that sooner.”

Go HERE if you need extra support on your healing journey. Grab your copy of Heartbreak Recovery Kit which includes email support.

Wishing you so much love,

Lisa

Positive Quote of the Day: “Always defend your right to heal at your own pace. You are taking your time. You are allowed to take your time.” -Unknown